Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Car-Bot Bouvier's LiveJournal:

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Monday, January 30th, 2006
12:30 am	Sorry.  I keep forgetting about LJ.... I'm watching the most amazing music video I've ever seen.  It's Metric "Moster Hospital".  I love how my friends come to me for reletionship advice.  Like I know anything about reletionships.  I went from being the biggest male whore in Cinci to being in a gay reletionship.  And yet here we are... Also love how ppl talk to me about Star Wars.  Like I fucking care.... Anyways.  Saw hunter today.  He's so far fucking gone that he's never coming back.  The ecstacy left holes in his brain and the herion use has permently fucked him up.  He barely recognized us.  It's weird how he went from being one of the group to being fucked up and in rehab.  He hasn't been alright for awhile. Other than those things this has been one of the best weeks I've had for awhile.  Tonight I've decided to stay home and chill out.  Just fucking breathe.  Punkskask8er -AIM users, feel free to instant message me (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 21st, 2006
12:50 pm	( the breakup ) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, January 20th, 2006
3:06 pm	Going out tonight?  It's still being debated.  Where the fuck is glendora street?  Hell if I remember... Class today sucked.  No other way to put it.  Thursday night is apparently the night that everyone in all my classes party, so no one shows up on fridays.  Lovely.  So we had a pointless class b/c no one was there.  Note to self : Don't show up on fridays. Pro and Con list of going out tonight (Read and then tell me what u think!) : Pro - Get to go out.  Get to see the Frankl Project and Ukraine Crane and Praire Dog Gangsters play a show (potential article material).  Get to see Lindy and Jim and Mike.  Facebook pictures.  Getting to meet new people.  Con - Sleeping at someone else's house that I don't necessarlily want to sleep at.  Having to mingle with people that I don't necessarlily care for.  Cigerettes make me want to smoke.  Traveling between Bogarts, Norwood, and Glendora Street sucks.  I don't remember where Glendora is.  The tag-along experience.  People getting drunk is stupid.  My stomach and head hurts.  Kind of mad at Lindy.  Fantasha isn't going.  Public restrooms.  I don't think Jim and Mike like me very much anymore.  Hmmm....yes yes that it. Current Music: The City Sleeps In Flames // Scary Kids Scaring Kids (Comment on this)
Thursday, January 19th, 2006
2:02 pm	Skipped my last class (an hour and a half is way to long for a class btw) to go to lunch with Cici.  It was unnaturally warm today so we ate downtown at Market Place Diner right on the river outside.  Nice setting for a half hour of awkwardness.... I met her our front and we went in together and it was really weird.  I didn't know what to say.  She started off the converstation.  She apologized for everything that she said after we broke up.  I apologized for the stuff that I said too.  We were both really immature and spitful after the break up.  She said that she really misjudged me.  It was really great to hear that from her.  After the first half hour it got easier.  We started talking about stuff that has been going on in our lives and stuff.  I told her about me and Preston.  I thought that she has a right to know.  I talked to Preston about it last night and he said that I should tell her.  She was really confused at first.  Her words were "How can you be straight one day and gay the next?"  I told her that it wasn't like that and that I've always liked Preston.  It's not like I'm gay as in I only like guys, or bi as in I like both.  I like girls...and Preston.  It's complicated.....She smiled and said she understands and that she doesn't mind at all.  It was great to hear her say that.  Seriously.  I moved the conversation to the baby and we talked for a little while about it.  She pulls out a list of names from her bag and she said that she's been thinking about it since she found out (early this month).  She asked what I thought about it.  Spencer Michael Bromioli-Bouvier or Emily Michelle Bromioli-Bouvier Her brother's (who died from cancer when he was 14) name was Michael, so she wants it in the name.  I'm in a different world right now.  I AM GOING TO BE A FATHER.  I can't believe it....I never wanted a child.  But now I can't wait.  I want to teach this kid everything about the world.  I want to teach it music and baseball and help out with school work and everything else.  I can't wait. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, January 17th, 2006
10:39 pm	Well. Well. Well. I might be a father.  And I'm freaking out.  But at the same time, I'm excited.  I would rather not have a kid with Cici, but if it ends up being mine, then I don't think I'll mind.  Yeah, she sucks, but idk.  The thought of having a kid is nice.  Someone that I can mold and help and be there for.  I was freaking out last night and called Danny.  He has a kid and raises it by himself so I figured he would have good advice.  He said that it's hard, really really hard, but it's the most rewarding thing ever.  I don't know.  I think about it and I freak out.  Then I think about it and get excited.  I just wish it wasn't with Cici..... Any advice would be great. (Comment on this)
Monday, January 16th, 2006
1:21 am	I wish it would snow.  Maybe not. Lindy and I are watching infomerticals.  THey're so great :)  Since I've been home some one has slept in my bed with me every single night.  It's nice...but I think they're watching me....making sure I don't relapse or anything. Anyways, I went to physical therapy today and that was...painful.  Stupid exercises.  She has exercises that I have to do at home.  Yeah....guess if I'm going to do them or not.  When I signed in I forgot my s/n hahaha (Comment on this)
Saturday, January 14th, 2006
3:32 pm	Watching "Mr and Mrs Smith" with all the friends, good movie. Yesterday was a pretty damn good day.  Went to class a little early to get some notes done.  Class was pretty okay, I'm better at the stuff we're doing than everyone else, so that's always good.  I like to be the unexpected smart kid.  What can I say?  I know journalism. Afterwards I caught the metro over to UC Main Campus (or should I say I caught 5 different metro's over to main).  Met up with Lindy and had lunch at pizza hut (yummm).  We read magazines and hung out all over the place.  Then it started to rain, so we went back to her place.  We picked up the twins and hung out for a little while longer before going to La Rosas to get pizza (Cause I was still craving it....).  Then we all headed over to Tangeman on campus to catch the show.  Paige and Jane-A met us out front and we went in and saw a whole bunch of people that I haven't seen in a little while cause of school and stuff.  Jim and Mike were there, so that was cool.  The show was put on by Frat guys in TKE or something and they gave us their cards and asked us to rush.....yeahhh....not happening. Anyways, good bands, good times.  Afterwards we hosted a small get together of the usual people plus about 20 other people.  Good times. Today?  Oh just hanging around the house, watching some movies.  Going out tonight maybe (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 29th, 2005
1:30 am	Can you go on hiatus after only about ten entries?  Hiatus due to : 1. Relapse 2. Depression 3. Confusion Sorry.  (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
4:01 pm	Hi.  Please do not promote communities in comments on my journal. Kthanx. Jane-A and I went for a really long walk today.  It's almost 60 degrees out today so we took a tour of the city.  Cause ya know, sometimes you just have to re-explore your city.   Gah!  It's so nice out today.  I refuse to go inside today, so I'm kicking it on the porch.  Paige is coming home soon and we're going to jam.  Yeah I know, we rock. 13 days until i'm wheelchair free! The countdown continues.  I'm getting excited.  Like you wouldn't believe.  I have a check up tomorrow.  I hope that I'm still okay.  My manly-ness is easily my most promanant trait.... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
2:21 am	( my motivation ) (Comment on this)
Monday, December 26th, 2005
4:42 pm	This one goes out to the one I love... The begining of my therapy session: Dr. Allen - Good Morning Mr. Bouvier Me - Hi, how are you? D.A. - I'm fine, how was your christmas? Me - Wonderful, thank you It's good to lie to your therapist.  Today he suggested I enroll in group therapy.  I basically told him to go to hell.  I did that shit in rehab and there's no way in fuck I'll do it again.  So I made up some stupid bullshit story about how fucking wonderful my christmas was b/c I could see that he was writing stuff down.  I didn't tell him about Shay and Adam and being at Frank's house.  He moved the subject cause he knew I was lying.  He asked me how I've been sleeping.  Hah.  I told him "wonderful"  Everything is fucking wonderful.  Didn't tell him about the reaccuring dream where I see Hunter dead from O.D-ing like some horrible foreshadowing.  Yeah, I left that part out. He told me that I have a lot of problems and that lying isn't going to make them better. Fuck that. I don't think I have a problem and I have no reason to be there, so I"m not going to open up.  I've been diganosed with depression back during my cocaine days and I don't feel like that now, so I know I'm fine.  I'm only going to therapy to shut Preston and Jane-A up and fuck, it gives me something to do in the morning. I haven't had any cigerettes today!  See, not depressed.  When I'm depressed I smoke like no tomorrow.  One after another w/out stopping at all.  Lighting one as I put the other out.  No feeling for cigerettes today so far.  I liek to tell myself that it isn't an addiction. New issue of "The Week In Music" is out today.  My article is being featured.  Thank god, that means I get some money.  14 days until I can walk again. Everyone is at work.  I'm lonely.  I hate the fact that Hunter has a job now.  Boring.   (2 Comments |Comment on this)
1:42 am	Things are much better now.  Paige and Jane-A came home and we watched the UnderOATH dvd and did a shot everytime Aaron said "Ya know what I mean" hahahaha.  Good times.  Now we're all just messing around.  The hamptons are over too, so thats awesome.  14 DAYS UNTIL I'M WHEELCHAIR FREE! Here's a picture :   You're welcome. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 25th, 2005
8:30 pm	( Have you ever felt like there was something missing? ) (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 24th, 2005
10:30 pm	I am with the most beautiful man in the world.  I can't believe I'm with him.  He came over and I was really drunk and crying cause I miss Shay and Adam and I was feeling sorry for myself and he took me to my room and just layed with me in my bed and put his arms around me and let me be sad and then cheered me up.  I ended up falling sleep b/c I was so comfortable with him.  He makes me feel so complete.  He took my cigarettes and told me that I need to stop with the drinking.  Basically I've been drunk for three days straight.  I just can't stop drinking.  It numbs me.  I want to be numb.  But I need to be awake for tomorrow.  I need to be there for Shay's mom.  I need to be there. Preston is still sleeping and i got up and took a shot but it was only one.  Now I'm sitting at the comp looking at Preston sleeping and wondering how I was ever able to get with him. 15 days until I'm wheelchair free :) (Comment on this)
1:31 am	My therapist says that I dwell on things a lot.  Over think them.  I don't get over stuff.  It's one hundred percent true. I hate myself.  Totally and Completly right now.  I miss Shay and Adam and to think that this is the first xmas without them....just KILLS me.  I wish it would kill me so I could be with them. Shay's mom called today and asked if I would be having dinner with them on xmas.  I can't replace her son.  I just...can't.  I can't sit there at their table and look at the empty seat where Shay always sat.  I can't look next to that and see where Adam and his parent's sat.  We would all have a big group xmas.  After Adam died his parents moved away.  So it will be four empty seats.  four big holes just looking at me.  I can't do it.  But if I don't go, idk how Shay's mom will react.  I don't want her to have five holes at her table.  Idk.  I won't be able to sit there and think about Shay and Adam. See ?  I dwell and freak out about everything.  Preston will be there.  That will be awkward.  Pretending to be nothing but friends.  I want to hide underneath the covers and just drink the fucking night away.  Here's to you Shay and Adam.  Thanks for leaving me here to deal with this.  Cheers....   (Comment on this)
Thursday, December 22nd, 2005
7:57 am	I'm hung over and in love.  I think that pretty much says it..... (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 21st, 2005
9:17 pm	As of this morning Preston and I are offically together.  I couldn't be happier.  He came over at about seven and snuck into my room (I gave him my key last night, so I hope I never get locked out....) before he had to work and woke me up.  He climbed into bed with me and put his arms around me and woke me up and I was so happy to see him.  He kissed my forehead and said that he had to see me before he went to work.  I was so happy he was there all I could do was smile.  He smiled and told me that he can't be without me and doesn't want to share me with anyone else.  I told him that I felt the exact same way.  He asked me if I wanted to make our reletionship an exclusive one and I said of course :)  We layed in my bed for a little while longer just enjoying each other and then he had to go.  *Sigh* I'm happy right now. (Comment on this)
1:57 am	Preston just left and I want to give a quick update about him before I get back to the party. I am completly guh, idk, i don't want to go as far as saying love, but a;ksdjfk i'm just liking him a lot right now.  He was giving me a back massage b/c my back has been hurting today really bad and he leaned forward and started kissing me really softly on the neck and started pushing my shirt down and kissing my shoulders.  I almost just died right there.  I wanted to kiss him so bad, so I turned around (as much as I could) and he leaned in to kiss me right as Paige came smashing through the door.  Preston turned around faster than I've ever seen anyone do before and looked really nervous.  I tried to cover up what we were doing and Paige looked confused for about a second then brushed it off and started talking.  He left after about five minutes and Preston kinda nervously laughed and ran his hands through my hair and said that he had to go.  I hate when he leaves.  I asked him to stay but he said that he couldn't stay without doing more with me and that tonight wasn't the night for it.  It almost made me cry because I just want to be with him, but now is really not the time for it.  I hate the fact that it isn't the time.  It needs to be the time.  I just want him so badly. So basically I'm really liking him right now.  I don't want to be with anyone else.  When he's not here I'm thinking about him and when he is here I'm still thinking about him.  Heh.  :) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 20th, 2005
11:47 am	Why?  Cause it's so fucking hot. Well, the heat is still broke and the wireless internet connection shut down last night too.  Heh.  Our house is falling apart!  Oh well.  Preston stayed the night with me, and it was nice.  We waited until everyone else went to sleep and we went to my room.  We were so tired that we just went to sleep instead of....doing stuff.  He left this morning early b/c he had to go to work.  He works at TGIFridays hahaha.  Poor guy. I burnt my tounge on hot chocolate.  Oh well.  I'm cold.  I'm wearing two hoodies and three long sleeved shirts and sweat pants over my jeans.  And socks.  Cause its cold.  Really really cold.  I need to find my scarf.  I wish that we knew what was wrong.  Our landlord said he was coming over to take a look but that was yesterday and he still isn't here.  Ehhhhhh..... Busy day?  Not so much. Current Music: La Vie Boheme (Comment on this)
Sunday, December 18th, 2005
11:33 pm	IT almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almos talmost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almos talmost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost almost HAPPENED TODAY         ....   but it didn't :( (Comment on this)